Not once in my 23 years have I ever felt like I fit in anywhere. Not at school, not at university, not in any of my jobs, not in my family and not with my friends.
In junior school, I didn’t fit in because my Mam stuffed me in frilly dresses until I was 11 whilst everyone else was wearing trackies. This resulted in me being picked on, and then retaliating by refusing to wear dresses again until I was fifteen.
In senior school, I didn’t fit in because I didn’t get pocket money so I couldn’t buy clothes that everybody else had set as the trend.
I never fitted in because I had older parents than everyone else. Once somebody thought they were my grandparents! I am not ashamed of having older parents; it was one more factor that made me different.
In college, I became an outcast because of my anorexia, First year; I curled into myself for protection. I was quiet, a shadow of my former self. I was snappy and moody, obsessed with my eating disorder, unaware of anything happening around me. Second year, I was a prisoner in my own home, only allowed out for ‘good behaviour’ and a few college lessons. I was the girl known as anorexic Rachel.
In University, I didn’t fit in as I was attempting to find the real Rachel again. Who I was, what my dreams were, whether or not I wanted to let go of anorexia, my safety blanket. I spent the first two years avoiding being around people at lunch time. I didn’t lead a party lifestyle, I was too weak and I didn’t know how to interact with people my own age.
In my first bar job, I didn’t fit in because I hadn’t been around people my own age for too long. I’d never had a boyfriend; I couldn’t drive; I hadn’t been on a wild night out since I was 16.
Yet this job was my entry back into a young person’s life. I made more friends, I went out after work, I started attracting and being attracted to boys, I had a boyfriend, I passed my driving test.
However I still feel different to other people my age, even now. I’ve been through more traumatic events than the vast majority as well as experiences I never would have had, if I’d never been anorexic. I have conquered the illness that wanted me dead; I have battled to get treatment; I have had far too many blood tests; I have had to reveal personal thoughts to more people than I dare count. I have had doctors stare at me as if I’m insane; I have had people doubt my ability and state that I am going to fail college. I have had people shout out about my illness in the middle of a night club; I have witnessed my half sister and cousin being too scared to talk to me. I could go on and on. All these events account for my personality but they are also the reasons why I stand out.
My positive experiences from anorexia are something else that makes me different as none of my friends have done anything like them before. I have met my local MP; I have given presentations at the House of Commons, to professionals and to the youth parliament. I have been on the radio; I have been in magazines and newspapers. I recently appeared on the front page of my local paper. I have travelled to New Zealand twice on my own; I have met truly wonderful people who have also been anorexic. I have grown closer to my Mam; I am more aware of other people and their own emotions; I have been involved in re-vamping a national charity; I have been in a media summit. Again my list is endless. Again people can’t relate to it. Although I am no longer ill, anorexia will always be a part of my identity because it made me the person I am today.
I am unlike a lot of my peers in other ways too. I am a doer and a perfectionist. I don’t stay in bed all day; I don’t watch TV all the time (in fact I don’t even have a TV in my room!); I don’t want a boyfriend; I don’t want to go on a rave holiday. I like walks in the countryside, sketching, getting lost in a book, making scrap books, collecting foreign magazines, learning languages, day dreaming, being with my family and writing my diary. I like making cards for people or writing them random notes and letters to let them know I care. Yes, I like doing what other 23 year olds do – going out clubbing, getting drunk, going to the cinema, shopping, make-up, flirting, going on dates and being admired. There’s just more to me than that.
What it has taken me a long time to accept, is that it is okay to be different. I would rather be me, than be a clone of somebody else. I’d rather know that there is only one Rachel Lauren Cowey and there never will be anyone else quite like me. That’s something to be proud of. I am not going to be ashamed of myself anymore nor will I apologise for the person I am.
Tuesday 30 November 2010
Monday 29 November 2010
A Confession
I have yet to properly talk to anyone about this. My therapist knew but I dont see her anymore; people in my home town believe they know me enough to spread gossip about it. I wanted to speak out on my blog as I dont have anyone who understands me. I also wanted to share some useful links for anyone else suffering.
So what am I confessing to?
My battle with self-harm which has gone on for seven years now, including hospital visits and embarrassing trips to pharmacies where my brother forced me to tell the pharmacist what I had done to myself.
I have had people ask about my cuts or scars with me hiding in myself not wanting them to know. I have had someone go up to my then boyfriend to say yeah I was lovely but did he know I cut myself? I have also had the same boyfriend tell me he tried to self harm when he was feeling down and to try to understand why I did it. This made me sad that I am in a way influencing people to self harm too.
Here are some links I have found useful:
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
www.freewebs.com/selfharm_help/
teenadvice.about.com/od/.../Cutting_Branding_Self_Injury.htm
www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=43
www.harmless.org.uk/
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads.html
So what am I confessing to?
My battle with self-harm which has gone on for seven years now, including hospital visits and embarrassing trips to pharmacies where my brother forced me to tell the pharmacist what I had done to myself.
I have had people ask about my cuts or scars with me hiding in myself not wanting them to know. I have had someone go up to my then boyfriend to say yeah I was lovely but did he know I cut myself? I have also had the same boyfriend tell me he tried to self harm when he was feeling down and to try to understand why I did it. This made me sad that I am in a way influencing people to self harm too.
Here are some links I have found useful:
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
www.freewebs.com/selfharm_help/
teenadvice.about.com/od/.../Cutting_Branding_Self_Injury.htm
www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=43
www.harmless.org.uk/
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads.html
The Struggle of Christmas
I wrote this article for my portfolio of university last year. Let me know what you think:
“Even being a recovered anorexic, Christmas is the time of year that I dread most. There is so much focus on food. Every year, I’ve tried to make an effort and considering five years ago, my Christmas dinner consisted of cheese, a few potatoes and some vegetables, I think I’ve done well. Yet still every Christmas day, my first thought is not of excitement of presents and spending the day with family, mine is terror. I’m scared of having to struggle through a huge amount of food and making room for pudding too.
“I first became aware of the amount of food I was eating six years ago. It was my first year at college and I felt completely out of my depth. I wasn’t one of the cleverest anymore as I had been at school. I’d never had a boyfriend and throughout my last two years at school one boy constantly called me ‘ugly’ and a ‘dog’ until I believed him completely. My friends were picking on me and I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere.
“At first all I wanted was to lose a few pounds as I felt it would make my life better. But then anorexia became the one thing I was good at and the one thing I could control in my life. Losing weight wasn’t about being thin. It was my way to disappear. If I was invisible, nobody could pick on me.
“Being 5”11 and naturally thin, my family didn’t realise until my weight started to drop drastically. Yet strangely, I found it easier to skip food once my Mam knew, as she wouldn’t make me huge meals that I had to get rid of. In fact, I started to manage to go four days without food. Going to bed after eating nothing felt like such an achievement.
“Unfortunately being 17 at the time, it was hard to find help. The children’s specialised unit at Newcastle General Hospital only took me on as a patient because I had a dangerously low body mass index.
“Hearing that I could die in a matter of weeks was a shock to me. I hadn’t realised how serious it had become. I was told my brain had shrunk, my heart had started to eat itself and I was probably suffering from osteoporosis.
“Due to a lack of beds, I was made an outpatient. Although we need to improve services for sufferers, I am glad that I never had to endure being on a ward. The experience of being tube fed and being in an unnatural environment.
“I was kept at home under my Mam’s 24-hour supervision, except when she had to do an errand. I would always have what she called an “episode”, where anorexia would scream and cuss at me as no one was around to help me control her. The first time it happened my Mam was shocked as she hadn’t known about the evil, manipulative voice in my head which turned her daughter into a mischievous, lying, selfish monster.
“My first years of recovery were unsuccessful. I refused to accept I was anorexic and would either argue with the doctors or sit in silence when they tried to help me. Plus they stopped my whole life. I couldn’t go out, drive, go to college, go on holiday, nothing. I only put on a slight amount of weight; to the point the unit would threaten they would section me.
“When I was transferred to the adult unit at 18, I found I got on better because my therapist actually helped me with my thoughts, instead of just concentrating on my weight. When I started university though, I had a relapse because I wasn’t used to eating lunch on my own. I was told if I didn’t start making an effort with my weight, I would be discharged and sent to a normal counsellor and I would never recover from anorexia. It’s hard to explain but something clicked. I didn’t want to be an anorexic forever, living this desperately lonely life.
“It also helped that I was at university. Even though college and doctors stated point blank I wouldn’t get there. I’d also gotten a bar job, where I met people my own age, got invited out and became more confident. Putting myself out into the world and taking a chance has reminded me what I want to achieve. Last year I travelled to New Zealand on my own and had the BEST time ever! Recovery should be about experiencing life, not being punished. It’s about finding out who you are, making new friends, laughter, passing your driving test. Falling in love, going to dance class to use your body for a purpose and realising the world isn’t a scary place and perfection does not exist.
“I’m still on my long journey of recovery and I doubt I will ever be able to hold my hand up and say “ I like the person I am” but I do feel slightly happier.
“So this year I’m going to try my hardest at Christmas and make my family smile. Plus after six years of avoiding it, I’ve started to eat chocolate again so maybe I’ll enjoy my advent calendar too!”
“Even being a recovered anorexic, Christmas is the time of year that I dread most. There is so much focus on food. Every year, I’ve tried to make an effort and considering five years ago, my Christmas dinner consisted of cheese, a few potatoes and some vegetables, I think I’ve done well. Yet still every Christmas day, my first thought is not of excitement of presents and spending the day with family, mine is terror. I’m scared of having to struggle through a huge amount of food and making room for pudding too.
“I first became aware of the amount of food I was eating six years ago. It was my first year at college and I felt completely out of my depth. I wasn’t one of the cleverest anymore as I had been at school. I’d never had a boyfriend and throughout my last two years at school one boy constantly called me ‘ugly’ and a ‘dog’ until I believed him completely. My friends were picking on me and I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere.
“At first all I wanted was to lose a few pounds as I felt it would make my life better. But then anorexia became the one thing I was good at and the one thing I could control in my life. Losing weight wasn’t about being thin. It was my way to disappear. If I was invisible, nobody could pick on me.
“Being 5”11 and naturally thin, my family didn’t realise until my weight started to drop drastically. Yet strangely, I found it easier to skip food once my Mam knew, as she wouldn’t make me huge meals that I had to get rid of. In fact, I started to manage to go four days without food. Going to bed after eating nothing felt like such an achievement.
“Unfortunately being 17 at the time, it was hard to find help. The children’s specialised unit at Newcastle General Hospital only took me on as a patient because I had a dangerously low body mass index.
“Hearing that I could die in a matter of weeks was a shock to me. I hadn’t realised how serious it had become. I was told my brain had shrunk, my heart had started to eat itself and I was probably suffering from osteoporosis.
“Due to a lack of beds, I was made an outpatient. Although we need to improve services for sufferers, I am glad that I never had to endure being on a ward. The experience of being tube fed and being in an unnatural environment.
“I was kept at home under my Mam’s 24-hour supervision, except when she had to do an errand. I would always have what she called an “episode”, where anorexia would scream and cuss at me as no one was around to help me control her. The first time it happened my Mam was shocked as she hadn’t known about the evil, manipulative voice in my head which turned her daughter into a mischievous, lying, selfish monster.
“My first years of recovery were unsuccessful. I refused to accept I was anorexic and would either argue with the doctors or sit in silence when they tried to help me. Plus they stopped my whole life. I couldn’t go out, drive, go to college, go on holiday, nothing. I only put on a slight amount of weight; to the point the unit would threaten they would section me.
“When I was transferred to the adult unit at 18, I found I got on better because my therapist actually helped me with my thoughts, instead of just concentrating on my weight. When I started university though, I had a relapse because I wasn’t used to eating lunch on my own. I was told if I didn’t start making an effort with my weight, I would be discharged and sent to a normal counsellor and I would never recover from anorexia. It’s hard to explain but something clicked. I didn’t want to be an anorexic forever, living this desperately lonely life.
“It also helped that I was at university. Even though college and doctors stated point blank I wouldn’t get there. I’d also gotten a bar job, where I met people my own age, got invited out and became more confident. Putting myself out into the world and taking a chance has reminded me what I want to achieve. Last year I travelled to New Zealand on my own and had the BEST time ever! Recovery should be about experiencing life, not being punished. It’s about finding out who you are, making new friends, laughter, passing your driving test. Falling in love, going to dance class to use your body for a purpose and realising the world isn’t a scary place and perfection does not exist.
“I’m still on my long journey of recovery and I doubt I will ever be able to hold my hand up and say “ I like the person I am” but I do feel slightly happier.
“So this year I’m going to try my hardest at Christmas and make my family smile. Plus after six years of avoiding it, I’ve started to eat chocolate again so maybe I’ll enjoy my advent calendar too!”
Surviving anorexia
An article about me and my struggle with anorexia for my project:
Rachel Cowey was seventeen years old when she nearly died from anorexia. As she enters the final stages of recovery, she shares her story with Teen Vogue.
“I was sixteen when I first started using food as a way to control bad things in my life. If I was sad or thought I had upset somebody else or I hadn’t done exceptionally well at school, I wouldn’t eat. Pretty soon, I had a full blown eating disorder to the point that the thought of food made me sick.
It wasn’t about being thin to me; I wanted to disappear. I thought if I was invisible no body could pick on me anymore and nobody would see how ugly I was.
My family and friends started to worry about me as I lost more and more weight. My dad didn’t understand, he thought I was doing it for attention. My mam was frustrated because she couldn’t find any medical help who would take the situation seriously.
Ironically I only got professional help because of how emaciated I had become. To me though, I was fat; not skinny and I certainly didn’t have anorexia. It took me awhile to admit I had a problem, probably at the same time I looked at photos of myself and realised how ill I was.
The unit stopped my life. There were no beds available so I was made an outpatient under my mam’s 24/7 supervision and care. I couldn’t drive, go to work or college. I couldn’t go out with my friends or go on holiday. It felt like I was being punished for a crime I hadn’t committed. But because I could potentially die at any minute, I couldn’t do anything strenuous.
Recovery was a very long process, with me moving on to adult services along the way. What most people don’t realise is eating disorders are mental illnesses. It wasn’t just weight I had to gain, but to win a battle against the voice in my head.
It took me 18 months to finally decide I wanted to recover and then a further nine months to achieve my target weight. I was discharged last year, with a request from my therapist: she never wants to see me back there!
I am in the last stages of recovery now. Although I lead a typical twenty-something lifestyle and eat normally, occasionally I get very upset and resort to controlling my food intake to make myself feel better.
I do believe recovery is possible. I am now in my fifth year of being a young ambassador for Beat (national charity for eating disorders). We promote the message that eating disorders can be beaten and try to raise awareness. I have given presentations at international conferences and the House of Commons. I regularly give media interviews and am a mentor.
I just want to make something positive out of everything that has happened to me.”
Rachel Cowey was seventeen years old when she nearly died from anorexia. As she enters the final stages of recovery, she shares her story with Teen Vogue.
“I was sixteen when I first started using food as a way to control bad things in my life. If I was sad or thought I had upset somebody else or I hadn’t done exceptionally well at school, I wouldn’t eat. Pretty soon, I had a full blown eating disorder to the point that the thought of food made me sick.
It wasn’t about being thin to me; I wanted to disappear. I thought if I was invisible no body could pick on me anymore and nobody would see how ugly I was.
My family and friends started to worry about me as I lost more and more weight. My dad didn’t understand, he thought I was doing it for attention. My mam was frustrated because she couldn’t find any medical help who would take the situation seriously.
Ironically I only got professional help because of how emaciated I had become. To me though, I was fat; not skinny and I certainly didn’t have anorexia. It took me awhile to admit I had a problem, probably at the same time I looked at photos of myself and realised how ill I was.
The unit stopped my life. There were no beds available so I was made an outpatient under my mam’s 24/7 supervision and care. I couldn’t drive, go to work or college. I couldn’t go out with my friends or go on holiday. It felt like I was being punished for a crime I hadn’t committed. But because I could potentially die at any minute, I couldn’t do anything strenuous.
Recovery was a very long process, with me moving on to adult services along the way. What most people don’t realise is eating disorders are mental illnesses. It wasn’t just weight I had to gain, but to win a battle against the voice in my head.
It took me 18 months to finally decide I wanted to recover and then a further nine months to achieve my target weight. I was discharged last year, with a request from my therapist: she never wants to see me back there!
I am in the last stages of recovery now. Although I lead a typical twenty-something lifestyle and eat normally, occasionally I get very upset and resort to controlling my food intake to make myself feel better.
I do believe recovery is possible. I am now in my fifth year of being a young ambassador for Beat (national charity for eating disorders). We promote the message that eating disorders can be beaten and try to raise awareness. I have given presentations at international conferences and the House of Commons. I regularly give media interviews and am a mentor.
I just want to make something positive out of everything that has happened to me.”
Feature On All Walks Beyond The Catwalk
People are talking about
“In terms of diversity having witnessed, against all odds, a man of colour take residency in the aptly called White House, my hope is – Yes, We CAN.”
Debra Bourne, Co. Founder, All Walks Beyond The Catwalk
Teen Vogue loves powerful women and this statement fills us with hope. So what is All Walks Beyond The Catwalk?
Originally Beat (The national charity for eating disorders), asked the British Fashion Council to create a fashion event about inspiring bodies. The idea was not accepted but Caryn Franklin (fashion expert and TV presenter), Debra Bourne and Erin O’Connor decided they could start up something similar: “a high level industry standard concept.”
The message behind All Walks Beyond The Catwalk is that all shapes, sizes and colour are beautiful. They would like more diversity on the catwalk and are creating imagery that reflects these values.
Firstly, there was the i-D shoot and then a launch party at the September ’09 London Fashion Week at Somerset House.
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk knows that the “perfect body” promoted by the fashion industry is not realistic: only two percent of the population can be a supermodel: we are all not 5”10 and a size six.
“Beauty is not a reflection of a perfect set of statistics”
Debra says: “Within the industry we are noticing people’s attitudes are changing. More curvy models are walking the runways and in magazine spreads. However the fashion industry does like a trend. At All Walks Beyond The Catwalk our work is committed to longevity beyond Trend Curve.”
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk gave their eight designers the opportunity to make a difference with their work. They were asked to consider the model’s own body before creating a piece.
They produced brochures, which were sent to every editor visiting London Fashion Week.
The web site has testimonials from designers and models, expressing the need for change.
Debra says: “We have witnessed designers like William Tempest, integrating the idea of diversity through model castings for the February 2010 catwalk shows. As well as Mark Fast, the designer we introduced to Hayley Morley, who is also continuing to work with models like Crystal Renn.
“We want to simply expand on what is on offer. Something as simple as showing models that represent a more realistic mirror to the women on the street in top end designer clothing. Not such a big deal.”
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk simply asks those of us in positions of power, can we change anything? Should we be listening to these statistics? (The increase in numbers of people suffering from eating disorders and other mental health issues.) Could we contribute positively to this matter? And creatively how might a return to acknowledging a more individual approach benefit?
“In terms of diversity having witnessed, against all odds, a man of colour take residency in the aptly called White House, my hope is – Yes, We CAN.”
Debra Bourne, Co. Founder, All Walks Beyond The Catwalk
Teen Vogue loves powerful women and this statement fills us with hope. So what is All Walks Beyond The Catwalk?
Originally Beat (The national charity for eating disorders), asked the British Fashion Council to create a fashion event about inspiring bodies. The idea was not accepted but Caryn Franklin (fashion expert and TV presenter), Debra Bourne and Erin O’Connor decided they could start up something similar: “a high level industry standard concept.”
The message behind All Walks Beyond The Catwalk is that all shapes, sizes and colour are beautiful. They would like more diversity on the catwalk and are creating imagery that reflects these values.
Firstly, there was the i-D shoot and then a launch party at the September ’09 London Fashion Week at Somerset House.
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk knows that the “perfect body” promoted by the fashion industry is not realistic: only two percent of the population can be a supermodel: we are all not 5”10 and a size six.
“Beauty is not a reflection of a perfect set of statistics”
Debra says: “Within the industry we are noticing people’s attitudes are changing. More curvy models are walking the runways and in magazine spreads. However the fashion industry does like a trend. At All Walks Beyond The Catwalk our work is committed to longevity beyond Trend Curve.”
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk gave their eight designers the opportunity to make a difference with their work. They were asked to consider the model’s own body before creating a piece.
They produced brochures, which were sent to every editor visiting London Fashion Week.
The web site has testimonials from designers and models, expressing the need for change.
Debra says: “We have witnessed designers like William Tempest, integrating the idea of diversity through model castings for the February 2010 catwalk shows. As well as Mark Fast, the designer we introduced to Hayley Morley, who is also continuing to work with models like Crystal Renn.
“We want to simply expand on what is on offer. Something as simple as showing models that represent a more realistic mirror to the women on the street in top end designer clothing. Not such a big deal.”
All Walks Beyond The Catwalk simply asks those of us in positions of power, can we change anything? Should we be listening to these statistics? (The increase in numbers of people suffering from eating disorders and other mental health issues.) Could we contribute positively to this matter? And creatively how might a return to acknowledging a more individual approach benefit?
Interview with plus size model Nina Blakemore
Plus size models are getting more recognition. From designers like Mark Fast using curvy girls to give his clothes justice to the new season’s trends celebrating all there is to be a woman, the fashion world could be falling out of love with the dangerous size zero trend. Teen Vogue chats to Nina Blakemore, a successful plus size model, who has been working with style guru, Gok Wan, for four years.
How did you first make it into the modelling industry?
Originally, I was a size eight model and had been approached by an agent at a fashion show I attended. However, I found it difficult to maintain being a size eight. I suffered from an eating disorder then and was very ill.
What made you recover from your eating disorder?
I just decided enough was enough. I wasn’t happy. I let my body gain it’s natural weight and shape. It was perfect as this was the time around ten years ago when “plus size” modelling was just starting.
What do you love about being able to be a plus size model?
I think the obvious answer is not having to restrict what I eat. I am not a naturally skinny girl. I still look after myself and go to the gym regularly but if I want a chocolate bar, I will have one and not feel guilty about it!
I am also comfortable being in my own skin. I have had so many opportunities come my way through being a size 18 model.
What are your thoughts on the size zero debate and the influence of the media on young people?
I am concerned about size zero. I wish we could start seeing more healthy models being used on the catwalks, in magazines and in adverts. Unfortunately it is still a huge “issue” when plus size girls are used for campaigns [like Mark Fast’s]. I can’t wait for the day when it is just seen as “normal” to see everyday women in the media.
I do think the media has a social responsibility, regarding the health and wellbeing of their readers. The number of young adults suffering with an eating disorder of some kind has risen dramatically over the last two years. [There are currently between 1.1 million and 1.6 million people suffering from an eating disorder in the UK]. The media is powerful and there are a lot of impressionable young people that they should be accountable for.
You campaign for healthier models and positive body image. What kind of things do you do?
I hope that by being a plus size model and comfortable with my figure, I promote a positive body image. I have so many women coming up to me at the end of shows and commenting on how refreshing it is to see a “real woman” in the outfits. Someone who women realistically look like.
I am also involved with the charity, Beat. I am proud to be associated with them. As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder, I can empathise with a lot of the people who benefit from the service they provide. [Beat has help lines, one-to-one services, live chats, email services and forums]. I do media work for them and try to promote their work as much as possible.
How did you start working with Gok Wan?
I went to the casting for his new show, “How To Look Good Naked”, four years ago. It was for the second series where they wanted to start using a catwalk show. Gok and I hit it off straight away. I have been lucky enough to have been a “Gokette” in every single series since!
I am truly grateful to him and his wonderful team. “How To Look Good Naked” epitomises everything that I have been working towards over the last 12 years of my life – “You don’t have to be a size zero to be gorgeous!”
So what is next?!
Well, I currently work all over the world, taking part in fashion shows and shoots. I am also trying a bit of presenting too. Then I hope to open an online boutique selling trendy clothes to curvaceous confident girls!
We heart you, Nina! To check out Nina’s work, go to her website at www.ninablakemore.com
How did you first make it into the modelling industry?
Originally, I was a size eight model and had been approached by an agent at a fashion show I attended. However, I found it difficult to maintain being a size eight. I suffered from an eating disorder then and was very ill.
What made you recover from your eating disorder?
I just decided enough was enough. I wasn’t happy. I let my body gain it’s natural weight and shape. It was perfect as this was the time around ten years ago when “plus size” modelling was just starting.
What do you love about being able to be a plus size model?
I think the obvious answer is not having to restrict what I eat. I am not a naturally skinny girl. I still look after myself and go to the gym regularly but if I want a chocolate bar, I will have one and not feel guilty about it!
I am also comfortable being in my own skin. I have had so many opportunities come my way through being a size 18 model.
What are your thoughts on the size zero debate and the influence of the media on young people?
I am concerned about size zero. I wish we could start seeing more healthy models being used on the catwalks, in magazines and in adverts. Unfortunately it is still a huge “issue” when plus size girls are used for campaigns [like Mark Fast’s]. I can’t wait for the day when it is just seen as “normal” to see everyday women in the media.
I do think the media has a social responsibility, regarding the health and wellbeing of their readers. The number of young adults suffering with an eating disorder of some kind has risen dramatically over the last two years. [There are currently between 1.1 million and 1.6 million people suffering from an eating disorder in the UK]. The media is powerful and there are a lot of impressionable young people that they should be accountable for.
You campaign for healthier models and positive body image. What kind of things do you do?
I hope that by being a plus size model and comfortable with my figure, I promote a positive body image. I have so many women coming up to me at the end of shows and commenting on how refreshing it is to see a “real woman” in the outfits. Someone who women realistically look like.
I am also involved with the charity, Beat. I am proud to be associated with them. As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder, I can empathise with a lot of the people who benefit from the service they provide. [Beat has help lines, one-to-one services, live chats, email services and forums]. I do media work for them and try to promote their work as much as possible.
How did you start working with Gok Wan?
I went to the casting for his new show, “How To Look Good Naked”, four years ago. It was for the second series where they wanted to start using a catwalk show. Gok and I hit it off straight away. I have been lucky enough to have been a “Gokette” in every single series since!
I am truly grateful to him and his wonderful team. “How To Look Good Naked” epitomises everything that I have been working towards over the last 12 years of my life – “You don’t have to be a size zero to be gorgeous!”
So what is next?!
Well, I currently work all over the world, taking part in fashion shows and shoots. I am also trying a bit of presenting too. Then I hope to open an online boutique selling trendy clothes to curvaceous confident girls!
We heart you, Nina! To check out Nina’s work, go to her website at www.ninablakemore.com
It Is Time To Love Your Body
For my final project for my MA Magazine Journalism, I wrote pieces for a British Teen Vogue. A lot of them were about positive body image. Here is one on curvy models and Body Gossip:
It is time to love your body.
Teen Vogue reports on the change of attitude in the fashion world.
“Breasts are back”
“The woman silhouette”
Seeing the key trends for a/w 10 and the ever growing number of curvy models used in magazines and on the catwalk, I have started to feel optimistic that maybe the size 0 trend is on its way out. But are we just seeing a further existence of the gimmicky trend curve?
Here at Teen Vogue we want you to feel good about yourselves, whatever your clothes size, but with the constant stream of perfectly looking models and celebrities, is it any wonder that the number of people suffering from eating disorders are increasing? Or that more young girls are suffering from low self-esteem or BDD? The fashion industry may not cause these mental illnesses but they can help to make us feel better about ourselves. That is why I hope Trend Curve will turn into the norm.
With this season’s trends telling us to embrace our womanly curves maybe it is a possibility!
Here are some of the trends, which celebrate being a woman:
“All woman” with Louis Vuitton’s boned corsets and grown up circle skirts.
“Hourglass” - Dolce and Gabbana showcased corsets and roses into womanly shapes.
For a/w 10 it seems that our new heroine is the curvaceous bombshell. Basically it is time to be proud of your assets. Corsets are praised for giving women a nipped-in waist and a heaving cleavage re. Victorian times. Think of your favourite Jane Austen period drama! This is the figure everyone is coveting.
Models to admire: Lara Stone, Doutzen Kroes, Laetitia Casta, Haley Morley, and Crystal Renn.
TV programme, Mad Men, has been described as inspiration for some of the new trends. I personally would love to be January Jones, so I am ready to wear nipped-in waist dresses, little cardigans and celebrating being more curvaceous.
It is important to feel good about your body, especially when the majority of the media tells us that we are not good enough. Charities like Beat, who support those suffering from eating disorders, aim to educate the media into promoting positive body image. A new campaign called Body Gossip has also been created:
Ruth Rogers, the creator of Body Gossip, came up with the idea when she was a student actor in New York where she was encouraged to lose weight by several people. She found a group of women who had formed a support group for people refusing to conform to society and the media’s ideas of the perfect body. It was then she realised that everyone has a story to tell about our bodies.
Ruth says: “Not enough is said about how most of us have at least one body worry. So the fact that Body Gossip exists, it reassures people all over the country that we, as a society, have body worries and those body worries are normal. No-one is alone in worrying that their body has imperfections and we are not abnormal for not having the airbrushed bodies that grace the magazines and ad campaigns.”
With regards to the size zero debate, Ruth advocates that everyone has his or her own natural body shape – some of us are naturally a size zero. Therefore it is really important that the fashion world does not start to exclude them in the quest of trying to be a fairer business.
Ruth states: “We should look at our natural body shape – the shape we are when we eat healthily and exercise in moderation. And that is our healthy body shape and society should not be encouraging us to shrink or grow to be anything else.”
She has some great tips for body confidence. Here are some of my favourites”
“Share your body concerns with others – you will soon realise you are not alone and that everyone has bits of their body they do not like. And then look at those friends who worry about their tummy or their bum or their nose – I bet to you they look gorgeous right?! Well there you go – to them, you look gorgeous too!”
See more about Body Gossip at www.bodygossip.org and ways for you to write your body story.
Body Gossip
The team: Natasha Devon (journalist and positive body image campaigner)
Lee Simmons (graphic designer)
Sarah Bakker (Film maker)
Danielle Simmons (photographer)
Imogen Bond (theatre director)
Lynsey Tash (producer and organiser)
Emma –Jane Haigh (Beat ambassador)
Kieron Jecchinis (actor)
Body Gossip also works with Beat (since 2006) and the National Osteoporosis Society.
The best body stories are performed by celebrities: here are just a few who are involved:
Shobna Gulati from Coronation Street
Nikki Grahame (her book is called Dying to be thin)
Anne Diamond (her campaign Fat Happens)
Natalie Cassidy
Body Gossip with Natasha Devon also takes confidence work shops into schools and colleges.
It is time to love your body.
Teen Vogue reports on the change of attitude in the fashion world.
“Breasts are back”
“The woman silhouette”
Seeing the key trends for a/w 10 and the ever growing number of curvy models used in magazines and on the catwalk, I have started to feel optimistic that maybe the size 0 trend is on its way out. But are we just seeing a further existence of the gimmicky trend curve?
Here at Teen Vogue we want you to feel good about yourselves, whatever your clothes size, but with the constant stream of perfectly looking models and celebrities, is it any wonder that the number of people suffering from eating disorders are increasing? Or that more young girls are suffering from low self-esteem or BDD? The fashion industry may not cause these mental illnesses but they can help to make us feel better about ourselves. That is why I hope Trend Curve will turn into the norm.
With this season’s trends telling us to embrace our womanly curves maybe it is a possibility!
Here are some of the trends, which celebrate being a woman:
“All woman” with Louis Vuitton’s boned corsets and grown up circle skirts.
“Hourglass” - Dolce and Gabbana showcased corsets and roses into womanly shapes.
For a/w 10 it seems that our new heroine is the curvaceous bombshell. Basically it is time to be proud of your assets. Corsets are praised for giving women a nipped-in waist and a heaving cleavage re. Victorian times. Think of your favourite Jane Austen period drama! This is the figure everyone is coveting.
Models to admire: Lara Stone, Doutzen Kroes, Laetitia Casta, Haley Morley, and Crystal Renn.
TV programme, Mad Men, has been described as inspiration for some of the new trends. I personally would love to be January Jones, so I am ready to wear nipped-in waist dresses, little cardigans and celebrating being more curvaceous.
It is important to feel good about your body, especially when the majority of the media tells us that we are not good enough. Charities like Beat, who support those suffering from eating disorders, aim to educate the media into promoting positive body image. A new campaign called Body Gossip has also been created:
Ruth Rogers, the creator of Body Gossip, came up with the idea when she was a student actor in New York where she was encouraged to lose weight by several people. She found a group of women who had formed a support group for people refusing to conform to society and the media’s ideas of the perfect body. It was then she realised that everyone has a story to tell about our bodies.
Ruth says: “Not enough is said about how most of us have at least one body worry. So the fact that Body Gossip exists, it reassures people all over the country that we, as a society, have body worries and those body worries are normal. No-one is alone in worrying that their body has imperfections and we are not abnormal for not having the airbrushed bodies that grace the magazines and ad campaigns.”
With regards to the size zero debate, Ruth advocates that everyone has his or her own natural body shape – some of us are naturally a size zero. Therefore it is really important that the fashion world does not start to exclude them in the quest of trying to be a fairer business.
Ruth states: “We should look at our natural body shape – the shape we are when we eat healthily and exercise in moderation. And that is our healthy body shape and society should not be encouraging us to shrink or grow to be anything else.”
She has some great tips for body confidence. Here are some of my favourites”
“Share your body concerns with others – you will soon realise you are not alone and that everyone has bits of their body they do not like. And then look at those friends who worry about their tummy or their bum or their nose – I bet to you they look gorgeous right?! Well there you go – to them, you look gorgeous too!”
See more about Body Gossip at www.bodygossip.org and ways for you to write your body story.
Body Gossip
The team: Natasha Devon (journalist and positive body image campaigner)
Lee Simmons (graphic designer)
Sarah Bakker (Film maker)
Danielle Simmons (photographer)
Imogen Bond (theatre director)
Lynsey Tash (producer and organiser)
Emma –Jane Haigh (Beat ambassador)
Kieron Jecchinis (actor)
Body Gossip also works with Beat (since 2006) and the National Osteoporosis Society.
The best body stories are performed by celebrities: here are just a few who are involved:
Shobna Gulati from Coronation Street
Nikki Grahame (her book is called Dying to be thin)
Anne Diamond (her campaign Fat Happens)
Natalie Cassidy
Body Gossip with Natasha Devon also takes confidence work shops into schools and colleges.
Sunday 28 November 2010
Home town...
... Thinking about my home town has made me stop and question my struggle with self-esteem. Maybe the world I have surrounded myself there has further fuelled my self-hatred. And even though I am in Australia I am still tied to it in a way. I know that when I go back home, I need to stay away from that world. I need to work outside of it, socialise outside of it. Of course I will still have my same friends but I don't want the night life that goes with it.
In my home town, its an unspoken rule that you HAVE to have a boy texting you to be deemed attractive. You HAVE to regularly pull a guy on a night out otherwise there is something wrong with you. People there don't bat an eyelid at those who have slept with 50 guys. Dont get me wrong this isnt everyone there but it is the general response.
There are the usual girls who look perfect; you also can't escape the bitchy girls who dont like you and most girls give you dirty looks constantly. Something I have just realised they do because you're different to them.
And that's the thing. It takes more courage to be different. They feel threatened by people who aren't like them. And this is why I have had people gossiping about me, people bullying me - they can't accept that there is a different way of life. Yes I am an anorexic and a self harmer but I dont care that they know anymore. I have done more than them with my life - I have a degree and a masters. I get to do amazing things as a Beat ambassador. I travel.
I guess I am just realising that I don't need to compare myself anymore. I should be proud of being unique and knowing I have friends who are just as good as me :)
In my home town, its an unspoken rule that you HAVE to have a boy texting you to be deemed attractive. You HAVE to regularly pull a guy on a night out otherwise there is something wrong with you. People there don't bat an eyelid at those who have slept with 50 guys. Dont get me wrong this isnt everyone there but it is the general response.
There are the usual girls who look perfect; you also can't escape the bitchy girls who dont like you and most girls give you dirty looks constantly. Something I have just realised they do because you're different to them.
And that's the thing. It takes more courage to be different. They feel threatened by people who aren't like them. And this is why I have had people gossiping about me, people bullying me - they can't accept that there is a different way of life. Yes I am an anorexic and a self harmer but I dont care that they know anymore. I have done more than them with my life - I have a degree and a masters. I get to do amazing things as a Beat ambassador. I travel.
I guess I am just realising that I don't need to compare myself anymore. I should be proud of being unique and knowing I have friends who are just as good as me :)
Monday 22 November 2010
30 Things I Like About Myself
I recently read a post about setting yourself the challenge of writing down thirty things you like about yourself. Here is my go:
1. I am a total bookworm and am happy to escape in other worlds.
2. I am a geek - I love learning new things.
3. The simple things matter to me when it comes to boys - holding hands, kisses, snuggling.
4. I have a random taste in music.
5. I am an avid traveller.
6. I speak French - I read books and magazines in French.
7. I give my cars names.
8. I try my best to stay in touch with friends by letter, text, email or facebook.
9. I make friends easily.
10. I am not afraid to be myself - I collect international magazines. I make collages and save articles I like. I sketch. I make memory books/scrapbooks.
11. My Mam is my best friend.
12. I like to dance in my room.
13. I am a total daydreamer.
14. I am a Beat ambassador. I am helping other people.
15. I never, ever give up - I conquered anorexia. I got my degree. I learned to ride a bike aged 15. I passed my A-Levels whilst ill.
16. I am tall and have long legs.
17. I am always smiling.
18. I have friends all over England.
19. I am an Auntie. I would love to be a mother myself.
20. I take pride in my appearance.
21. I am very family orientated.
22. I appreciate little things - like the first flowers in spring, rustling through leaves in autumn, seeing a butterfly etc.
23. I am a complex person. There is a lot people don't know about me.
24. I am always writing -blogs, articles, a novel, lists!
25. I am not afraid to try new things.
26. I am a romantic.
27. I am comfortable in my own company.
28. I am addicted to buying magazines.
29. I am proud of my 'flaws' - anorexia and self harm; as they represent my courage to overcome difficult times.
30. I am unique and I am trying to not care what other people think of me anymore.
1. I am a total bookworm and am happy to escape in other worlds.
2. I am a geek - I love learning new things.
3. The simple things matter to me when it comes to boys - holding hands, kisses, snuggling.
4. I have a random taste in music.
5. I am an avid traveller.
6. I speak French - I read books and magazines in French.
7. I give my cars names.
8. I try my best to stay in touch with friends by letter, text, email or facebook.
9. I make friends easily.
10. I am not afraid to be myself - I collect international magazines. I make collages and save articles I like. I sketch. I make memory books/scrapbooks.
11. My Mam is my best friend.
12. I like to dance in my room.
13. I am a total daydreamer.
14. I am a Beat ambassador. I am helping other people.
15. I never, ever give up - I conquered anorexia. I got my degree. I learned to ride a bike aged 15. I passed my A-Levels whilst ill.
16. I am tall and have long legs.
17. I am always smiling.
18. I have friends all over England.
19. I am an Auntie. I would love to be a mother myself.
20. I take pride in my appearance.
21. I am very family orientated.
22. I appreciate little things - like the first flowers in spring, rustling through leaves in autumn, seeing a butterfly etc.
23. I am a complex person. There is a lot people don't know about me.
24. I am always writing -blogs, articles, a novel, lists!
25. I am not afraid to try new things.
26. I am a romantic.
27. I am comfortable in my own company.
28. I am addicted to buying magazines.
29. I am proud of my 'flaws' - anorexia and self harm; as they represent my courage to overcome difficult times.
30. I am unique and I am trying to not care what other people think of me anymore.
Saturday 20 November 2010
I've come a long way!
With recovery or even being almost recovered, it is easy to forget how much things have actually changed. So I've decided to list all of the things I can do now =] Hopefully it will motivate you too or just make you smile.
1. I laugh at things now.
2. I listen to music.
3. I can concentrate on a good book.
4. I can drive and have owned two cars.
5. I can get on a bus, a train or a plane. (When I was ill, I wasn't allowed to travel)
6. I like going clothes shopping.
7. I cook things out of pleasure.
8. I can eat in public, in front of strangers and at all times of the day.
9. I eat a variety of foods.
10. I have learned how to relax - I can just sit and watch a DVD; not thinking that I'm being lazy.
11. I can have a proper bath (When I was ill, I was only allowed to be in a few inches of water)
12. I have my privacy back.
13. I can walk as I have the strength now.
14. I can drink alcohol.
15. I eat ice cream and sweets when I want to.
16. I can have a job and have had many!
17. I have had boyfriends and am interested in boys.
18. I am attractive to the other sex.
19. I can go on holidays.
20. I have more concentration.
21. I can hold a conversation.
22. I am Rachel; not an anorexic!
1. I laugh at things now.
2. I listen to music.
3. I can concentrate on a good book.
4. I can drive and have owned two cars.
5. I can get on a bus, a train or a plane. (When I was ill, I wasn't allowed to travel)
6. I like going clothes shopping.
7. I cook things out of pleasure.
8. I can eat in public, in front of strangers and at all times of the day.
9. I eat a variety of foods.
10. I have learned how to relax - I can just sit and watch a DVD; not thinking that I'm being lazy.
11. I can have a proper bath (When I was ill, I was only allowed to be in a few inches of water)
12. I have my privacy back.
13. I can walk as I have the strength now.
14. I can drink alcohol.
15. I eat ice cream and sweets when I want to.
16. I can have a job and have had many!
17. I have had boyfriends and am interested in boys.
18. I am attractive to the other sex.
19. I can go on holidays.
20. I have more concentration.
21. I can hold a conversation.
22. I am Rachel; not an anorexic!
Wednesday 17 November 2010
Outside recovery
I realised something today. That even when you're almost recovered there is still a lot you have to explain to your parents.
You see by having an eating disorder, I lost my parents trust.
So now I am constantly asked if I have eaten enough each day. It's also why my mam worries more than other parents about me living in Australia away from her.
But it's more than that. Its the simple things. Like being asked which foods you'll eat this week; like not being trusted around things like knives or anything that can burn.
The night of my leaving meal with my parents, my mam spotted a very anorexic girl sitting at the table next to me. Her family had obviously ordered her meal for her - a pizza - as she was sitting, legs shaking, arms fidgeting, just staring at the plate. My mam was outraged - how if it had been me she would have just let me order a starter or something. I appreciated my mam's concern yet I wish she'd never pointed it out to me. I couldn't stop looking; wishing there was something I could do to help her. Naturally my dad didnt understand what was going on! I was growing increasingly uncomfortable, sensing her awkwardness, needing to get away. But wouldn't you know, I had just finished managing my meal. Whats so bad about this? Well other people would just say they were going to the bathroom and it would be fine. But a recovering anorexic? Nope. It would look like I was going to make myself sick. Luckily after seven years of dealing with this/me, my mam understands. I quietly told her I was going to the bathroom as I couldn't cope sitting there and I needed to speak to one of the other girls at beat. My mam also understood this was me sliently saying, "Don't worry I wont purge!"
What is the point of this post? The fact that even after recovery there is still so much you need to explain about yourself. Just another reason to hate anorexia!
You see by having an eating disorder, I lost my parents trust.
So now I am constantly asked if I have eaten enough each day. It's also why my mam worries more than other parents about me living in Australia away from her.
But it's more than that. Its the simple things. Like being asked which foods you'll eat this week; like not being trusted around things like knives or anything that can burn.
The night of my leaving meal with my parents, my mam spotted a very anorexic girl sitting at the table next to me. Her family had obviously ordered her meal for her - a pizza - as she was sitting, legs shaking, arms fidgeting, just staring at the plate. My mam was outraged - how if it had been me she would have just let me order a starter or something. I appreciated my mam's concern yet I wish she'd never pointed it out to me. I couldn't stop looking; wishing there was something I could do to help her. Naturally my dad didnt understand what was going on! I was growing increasingly uncomfortable, sensing her awkwardness, needing to get away. But wouldn't you know, I had just finished managing my meal. Whats so bad about this? Well other people would just say they were going to the bathroom and it would be fine. But a recovering anorexic? Nope. It would look like I was going to make myself sick. Luckily after seven years of dealing with this/me, my mam understands. I quietly told her I was going to the bathroom as I couldn't cope sitting there and I needed to speak to one of the other girls at beat. My mam also understood this was me sliently saying, "Don't worry I wont purge!"
What is the point of this post? The fact that even after recovery there is still so much you need to explain about yourself. Just another reason to hate anorexia!
Tuesday 16 November 2010
Wintergirls
I read a sad book yesterday - Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.
It's a very well written book about a girl's battle with anorexia, Anderson really understands the inside trauma that goes on with an eating disorder. My cousin doesn't think I should be reading books on anorexia but I guess I want to understand more about the illness. Find out why I act the way I do. Also back in the UK, I could talk to loads of friends who knew exactly what I have gone through and am still struggling with. Here no one does and in a way I find it hard to deal with.
What also made me cry in the book was the traumatic death of the main character, Lia's, friend, Cassie, who dies from bulimia.This is the description:
"She drank, binged and purged for two days. Her esophagus ruptured. Ripped open. Boerhaave's syndrome, usually seen in alcoholics who regularly upchuck after drinking too much. Vomiting forcefully enough can tear the esophagus. She was purging when the rupture occused. She went into shock and died. She died in terror and she died alone."
I copied this to remind myself and hopefully you that my eating disorder is not worth losing my life over, even when I do hate everything about myself.
There is also postive words when Lia decides to recover. I think her words describe beautifully how I have felt myself:
"I breathe in slowly. Food is life. I exhale, take another breath. Food is life. And that's the problem. When you're alive people can hurt you. Its easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusion. It's easier to lock everybody out. But it's a lie.
I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles.
I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night, instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy.
I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.
There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day; an unexpected laugh; a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."
It's a very well written book about a girl's battle with anorexia, Anderson really understands the inside trauma that goes on with an eating disorder. My cousin doesn't think I should be reading books on anorexia but I guess I want to understand more about the illness. Find out why I act the way I do. Also back in the UK, I could talk to loads of friends who knew exactly what I have gone through and am still struggling with. Here no one does and in a way I find it hard to deal with.
What also made me cry in the book was the traumatic death of the main character, Lia's, friend, Cassie, who dies from bulimia.This is the description:
"She drank, binged and purged for two days. Her esophagus ruptured. Ripped open. Boerhaave's syndrome, usually seen in alcoholics who regularly upchuck after drinking too much. Vomiting forcefully enough can tear the esophagus. She was purging when the rupture occused. She went into shock and died. She died in terror and she died alone."
I copied this to remind myself and hopefully you that my eating disorder is not worth losing my life over, even when I do hate everything about myself.
There is also postive words when Lia decides to recover. I think her words describe beautifully how I have felt myself:
"I breathe in slowly. Food is life. I exhale, take another breath. Food is life. And that's the problem. When you're alive people can hurt you. Its easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusion. It's easier to lock everybody out. But it's a lie.
I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles.
I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night, instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy.
I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.
There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day; an unexpected laugh; a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."
Pearl By Katy Perry
This song relates to how I became when I was with my ex boyfriend and I never want to let myself get this low every again. I won't give up my life, dreams and ambitions for a boy. I certainly won't turn down invitations from friends anymore just in case he might want to see me. I won't stay with a boy who hardly gives me compliments, instead talking about all the girls who fancy him and talking to all of his exes. I won't stay with someone who doesn't give a damn about my feelings. Coming to Australia has made me realise that I am worth a hell of a lot more.
Pearl
She is a pyramid, but with him she's just a grain of sand,
This love's too strong like mice and men,
Squeezing out the life that should be let in.
She was a hurricane but now she's just a gust of wind,
She used to set the sails of a thousand ships,
Was a force to be reckoned with.
She could be a Statue of Liberty,
She could be a Joan of Arc,
But he's scared of the light that's inside of her, so he keeps her in the dark.
Oh, she used to be a pearl,
She used to rule the world,
Can't believe she's become a shell of herself.
Coz she used to be a pearl.
She was unstoppable,
Moved fast just like an avalanche,
But now she's stuck deep in cement,
Wishing they never met.
Do you know there's a way out?
You don't have to be held down.
Coz I used to be a shell,
Yeah I let him rule my world,
But I will come and grow strong,
And I can still go on.
And no one can take my pearl.
You don't have to be a shell,
You're the one that rules your world,
You are strong and you will learn that you can still go on.
And you will always be a pearl.
She is unstoppable.l
Pearl
She is a pyramid, but with him she's just a grain of sand,
This love's too strong like mice and men,
Squeezing out the life that should be let in.
She was a hurricane but now she's just a gust of wind,
She used to set the sails of a thousand ships,
Was a force to be reckoned with.
She could be a Statue of Liberty,
She could be a Joan of Arc,
But he's scared of the light that's inside of her, so he keeps her in the dark.
Oh, she used to be a pearl,
She used to rule the world,
Can't believe she's become a shell of herself.
Coz she used to be a pearl.
She was unstoppable,
Moved fast just like an avalanche,
But now she's stuck deep in cement,
Wishing they never met.
Do you know there's a way out?
You don't have to be held down.
Coz I used to be a shell,
Yeah I let him rule my world,
But I will come and grow strong,
And I can still go on.
And no one can take my pearl.
You don't have to be a shell,
You're the one that rules your world,
You are strong and you will learn that you can still go on.
And you will always be a pearl.
She is unstoppable.l
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