Surviving anorexia

An article about me and my struggle with anorexia for my project:

Rachel Cowey was seventeen years old when she nearly died from anorexia. As she enters the final stages of recovery, she shares her story with Teen Vogue.

“I was sixteen when I first started using food as a way to control bad things in my life. If I was sad or thought I had upset somebody else or I hadn’t done exceptionally well at school, I wouldn’t eat. Pretty soon, I had a full blown eating disorder to the point that the thought of food made me sick.
It wasn’t about being thin to me; I wanted to disappear. I thought if I was invisible no body could pick on me anymore and nobody would see how ugly I was.
My family and friends started to worry about me as I lost more and more weight. My dad didn’t understand, he thought I was doing it for attention. My mam was frustrated because she couldn’t find any medical help who would take the situation seriously.
Ironically I only got professional help because of how emaciated I had become. To me though, I was fat; not skinny and I certainly didn’t have anorexia. It took me awhile to admit I had a problem, probably at the same time I looked at photos of myself and realised how ill I was.
The unit stopped my life. There were no beds available so I was made an outpatient under my mam’s 24/7 supervision and care. I couldn’t drive, go to work or college. I couldn’t go out with my friends or go on holiday. It felt like I was being punished for a crime I hadn’t committed. But because I could potentially die at any minute, I couldn’t do anything strenuous.
Recovery was a very long process, with me moving on to adult services along the way. What most people don’t realise is eating disorders are mental illnesses. It wasn’t just weight I had to gain, but to win a battle against the voice in my head.
It took me 18 months to finally decide I wanted to recover and then a further nine months to achieve my target weight. I was discharged last year, with a request from my therapist: she never wants to see me back there!
I am in the last stages of recovery now. Although I lead a typical twenty-something lifestyle and eat normally, occasionally I get very upset and resort to controlling my food intake to make myself feel better.
I do believe recovery is possible. I am now in my fifth year of being a young ambassador for Beat (national charity for eating disorders). We promote the message that eating disorders can be beaten and try to raise awareness. I have given presentations at international conferences and the House of Commons. I regularly give media interviews and am a mentor.
I just want to make something positive out of everything that has happened to me.”