Outside recovery

I realised something today. That even when you're almost recovered there is still a lot you have to explain to your parents.

You see by having an eating disorder, I lost my parents trust.

So now I am constantly asked if I have eaten enough each day. It's also why my mam worries more than other parents about me living in Australia away from her.

But it's more than that. Its the simple things. Like being asked which foods you'll eat this week; like not being trusted around things like knives or anything that can burn.

The night of my leaving meal with my parents, my mam spotted a very anorexic girl sitting at the table next to me. Her family had obviously ordered her meal for her - a pizza - as she was sitting, legs shaking, arms fidgeting, just staring at the plate. My mam was outraged - how if it had been me she would have just let me order a starter or something. I appreciated my mam's concern yet I wish she'd never pointed it out to me. I couldn't stop looking; wishing there was something I could do to help her. Naturally my dad didnt understand what was going on! I was growing increasingly uncomfortable, sensing her awkwardness, needing to get away. But wouldn't you know, I had just finished managing my meal. Whats so bad about this? Well other people would just say they were going to the bathroom and it would be fine. But a recovering anorexic? Nope. It would look like I was going to make myself sick. Luckily after seven years of dealing with this/me, my mam understands. I quietly told her I was going to the bathroom as I couldn't cope sitting there and I needed to speak to one of the other girls at beat. My mam also understood this was me sliently saying, "Don't worry I wont purge!"

What is the point of this post? The fact that even after recovery there is still so much you need to explain about yourself. Just another reason to hate anorexia!