Bye to BYA

Last week I resigned as a Beat Young Ambassador and I feel much better for having done so.

Although I am still dedicated to raising awareness for eating disorders and helping others, anorexia is not who I am anymore. I don't want to be defined by people as a recovered anorexic, I want to be seen as me, Rachel. :)

I am still volunteering for Beat and doing media requests. I am still My Personal Best full time volunteer and co-manager of twitter because this isnt focused on eating disorders. If you havent seen this yet go to @MyPersonal_Best I'm tweeting inspirational stuff all the time!

Being a Beat ambassador used to make me feel positive; it helped me with recovery as I was making something good out of something bad. Also most of the ambassadors were recovered and they inspired me; they gave me hope.

Now being a Beat ambassador makes me feel bad about myself. Most of the ambassadors today are not recovered, making me the minority. I feel like I cant have a bad time as I need to be an inspiration to them. And although I am perfectly happy with my body - I love my curves and everything! - when I was at meetings I felt like the 'biggest'. I'm not sure why; I guess it just makes me go in that competitive eating disorder thinking.

Also after never fitting in at school, college, university or jobs, I started to feel like I didnt fit in with the ambassadors either and I knew it was time to distance myself from it.

So there we go :)
Sorry I have been quiet lately; had a lot to deal with.

But I am no longer a recovered anorexic now I have two other things to stop being associated with:

I dont want to be the girl who wishes her ex wants her, who feels lonely, sad and ugly because he doesnt want her or the girl who compares herself to other girls. I have started my actions for this including reading the list of bad things to my friend. Her reaction to it made me realise I cant go on like this.

And secondly? I dont want to be associated with my home town and I am doing more activities outside it, including looking for jobs elsewhere! :)

Wish me luck :)

Letter to My Body

So Northumberland College had a fashion show - which looked great - and they asked us at Beat to write a letter to our bodies. They read our stories/poems out and put some on the clothes. Very exciting!

Here is my letter:

Dear Rachel’s body,

I may not completely like you yet but I recognize the wonderful things you do. You allow me to dance out with my friends; to skip; to go walking; to play with my nephews, crawling around the soft play areas!

I took you for granted before. Then I set out to destroy you when anorexia took over us both. Yet you proved to be strong and I am thankful for that. If I’d died, I would never have met my gorgeous nephews, I wouldn’t have completed a degree and a MA, I would not be living in Australia and I would never have been a Beat ambassador, hopefully helping others gain strength against their eating disorder.

I appreciate my curves now. After all, boys certainly like them! Having a healthy body makes me smile, glow and feel like a human being. I look like a woman now, not a little girl and I’m proud of that. I love having boobs and my long legs!

I guess what I’m saying is sorry for the pain I put you through but thank you for letting me learn to love myself, curves and all!

Rachel

A 'moment' of appreciating my body

I had one of those moments in the airport where I appreciate my body – I was wearing a short dress so I was all long tanned legs. I need to accept I have a great body – I am slim, tall, all legs and have slight curves in mostly the right places. I am still a size eight and I get many compliments about my body, I should love it too.

Happy New Year!

I hope that 2011 is even better than 2010. I have finally gotten over my ex and although I struggle with other things, I know my eating disorder is not worth it. Anorexia does not give me the life I want. It makes me look like a little girl and quite frankly I want curves :)

My New Year was amazing in Sydney; we went to a pub and then a nearby park where you could drink and watch the fireworks from the Sydney Harbour bridge. I also had a kiss at midnight with a lovely guy who is from my home town too. So I guess nice guys do exist and that I do deserve better from boys. The guy in question is a friend and he gave me some advice: how I should be with someone who is proud of all I have acheived and overcome.

I guess what this post is about, is that I am realising what I want out of life and the kind of relationship I think I deserve.

I wish you all an amazing 2011 :)

Curvelicious!

This was a piece I wrote for LGN events during my fashion intern for them :)

Lying on a sun bed on holiday, sweltering in the heat, the last thing I want to look at is woolly jumpers and fur coats. Yet this year, I was actually pleased with the magazines. And why? The statement that curves are back!

Although I am slim myself, I’ve become bored with the fashion and media Industry’s obsession with size zero, especially when only about one percent of us could actually gain such a small figure.

However, autumn/winter 2010 seems to have turned its back on the size zero epidemic. Designers instead are celebrating women!! Proper womanly bodies, with breasts and hips.

There was “All Woman” at Louis Vuitton with boned corsets and grown up circle skirts. “Hourglass” was celebrated at Dolce and Gabbana who showcased corsets and roses into womanly shapes. It is time to be your favourite Jane Austen character with a heaving cleavage and tiny waist.

The must-have pieces are corsets, nipped-in at the waist dresses and pencil skirts. Think Mad Men’s Betty Draper as your role model.

I am interested to see how the high street will incorporate these feminine trends. And whether curves will finally evolve from a gimmicky trend to something considered normal.

Hmmmm well we shall wait and see ;)