Bye to BYA

Last week I resigned as a Beat Young Ambassador and I feel much better for having done so.

Although I am still dedicated to raising awareness for eating disorders and helping others, anorexia is not who I am anymore. I don't want to be defined by people as a recovered anorexic, I want to be seen as me, Rachel. :)

I am still volunteering for Beat and doing media requests. I am still My Personal Best full time volunteer and co-manager of twitter because this isnt focused on eating disorders. If you havent seen this yet go to @MyPersonal_Best I'm tweeting inspirational stuff all the time!

Being a Beat ambassador used to make me feel positive; it helped me with recovery as I was making something good out of something bad. Also most of the ambassadors were recovered and they inspired me; they gave me hope.

Now being a Beat ambassador makes me feel bad about myself. Most of the ambassadors today are not recovered, making me the minority. I feel like I cant have a bad time as I need to be an inspiration to them. And although I am perfectly happy with my body - I love my curves and everything! - when I was at meetings I felt like the 'biggest'. I'm not sure why; I guess it just makes me go in that competitive eating disorder thinking.

Also after never fitting in at school, college, university or jobs, I started to feel like I didnt fit in with the ambassadors either and I knew it was time to distance myself from it.

So there we go :)
Sorry I have been quiet lately; had a lot to deal with.

But I am no longer a recovered anorexic now I have two other things to stop being associated with:

I dont want to be the girl who wishes her ex wants her, who feels lonely, sad and ugly because he doesnt want her or the girl who compares herself to other girls. I have started my actions for this including reading the list of bad things to my friend. Her reaction to it made me realise I cant go on like this.

And secondly? I dont want to be associated with my home town and I am doing more activities outside it, including looking for jobs elsewhere! :)

Wish me luck :)