The PLAN

Okay, I sort of had a plan in my head regarding how I want to be when I go home and regarding my ex. But the other day for some reason I emailed my ex, just a friendly messgae but still this was NOT part of the PLAN!

I guess what I need to realise is I am human and we all make mistakes; it is okay to have a blip.

So what is my plan?

I want to be confident in myself and respect myself as a person - no more letting one boy control the person I am.

I will not let what other people say to me get me down. Most of them have not experienced the things I have and probably never will so what right do they have putting me down?

I will not be involved in the gossip of my home town.

I know it is not the end of the world of I dont have a boy who likes me. I am my own person and I am achieving what I want.

I do not love my ex anymore therefore I will not be his booty call or embark on a relationship again with him.

I do not even want to be my exes friend even - I thought he was mine but I have realised it was all one sided. He never cared about when I was feeling down.

So why did I email then? I guess last weeks situation with twitter affected me more than I thought, combined with a terrible attempt at starting exercise again and the comments the other boy made about me.

Oh as a side note, this boy apologised to me for what he said - he recognised it was harsh - and I really appreciate it. He knew I knew because of reading my blog! Oh dear. One thing I realised though is I never say what I mean to in real life. I think of things much later on and its something else I need to learn: how to speak my mind. He had said he said those things as he had felt awkward that everyone was talking about me and him and how I had wrote about us on my blog. I wish I had spoken out then; because really I am not a girl who gets carried away. I was not expecting anything more than what happened between us but I get the feeling that he reckons I wanted a relationship. Erm no. I know it was just a one off thing and I am fine with that :)

So yes here's to the PLAN lets hope I stick to it!

20 Things I Have Achieved This Year...

So here's another thing I read in a magazine - Frankie - writing down twenty of the things you've achieved in 2010. Here is mine:

1. Plucked up the courage to travel to Australia.
2. Spoke at a conference in Rome.
3. Spoke at a gynacolegist conference.
4. Gave a presentation at the Annual Secretaries Convention.
5. Finally got over my ex boyfriend.
6. Made some new brilliant friends.
7. Obtained my masters in Magazine Journalism.
8. Was fashion editor for our MA North East Culture magazine.
9. Directed my own photo shoot.
10. Modelled for Cosmopolitan.
11. Appeared on the front cover of the Shields Gazette.
12. Was on Metro Radio, Radio 5, Smooth Radio and BBC Newcastle.
13. Did work experience at Marie Claire.
14. Interned for LGN events.
15. Wrote for My Personal Best and All Walks.
16. Got back in contact with old friends.
17. Attended a memorial service for those who have died from an eating disorder and reminded myself that I deserve to be alive.
18. Made this blog :)
19. Became unashamed to tell people I am a recovered anorexic.
20. Started to write my novel on my experience of anorexia.

im glad to have experienced it...

There are a few things that have happened in my life that have been challenging but in a way I am glad I have experienced them and survived.

From anorexia, when I was told I would die; when I couldn't do what other 17 year olds were doing; when I was trapped in tourment - I now know more about who I am and the world around me. I am passionate about making a difference and am an active ambassador for beat. I am a compassionate and caring person to many.

From not being able to finish my year abroad, I made new friends, build up my confidence and had a brief stint into the teenage life I always wanted even if it was at age 21!

From falling in love, when the guy didn't love me as much, when I've been trying to get over him for two years. I still would go through it again because falling in love is special. Because it makes you warm inside and cared for. And now I'm learning to be strong to not fall as deep so soon again.

I'm off to australia on tuesday. Who knows what experiences await me?