The PLAN

Okay, I sort of had a plan in my head regarding how I want to be when I go home and regarding my ex. But the other day for some reason I emailed my ex, just a friendly messgae but still this was NOT part of the PLAN!

I guess what I need to realise is I am human and we all make mistakes; it is okay to have a blip.

So what is my plan?

I want to be confident in myself and respect myself as a person - no more letting one boy control the person I am.

I will not let what other people say to me get me down. Most of them have not experienced the things I have and probably never will so what right do they have putting me down?

I will not be involved in the gossip of my home town.

I know it is not the end of the world of I dont have a boy who likes me. I am my own person and I am achieving what I want.

I do not love my ex anymore therefore I will not be his booty call or embark on a relationship again with him.

I do not even want to be my exes friend even - I thought he was mine but I have realised it was all one sided. He never cared about when I was feeling down.

So why did I email then? I guess last weeks situation with twitter affected me more than I thought, combined with a terrible attempt at starting exercise again and the comments the other boy made about me.

Oh as a side note, this boy apologised to me for what he said - he recognised it was harsh - and I really appreciate it. He knew I knew because of reading my blog! Oh dear. One thing I realised though is I never say what I mean to in real life. I think of things much later on and its something else I need to learn: how to speak my mind. He had said he said those things as he had felt awkward that everyone was talking about me and him and how I had wrote about us on my blog. I wish I had spoken out then; because really I am not a girl who gets carried away. I was not expecting anything more than what happened between us but I get the feeling that he reckons I wanted a relationship. Erm no. I know it was just a one off thing and I am fine with that :)

So yes here's to the PLAN lets hope I stick to it!