You may have seen on Twitter that I am wearing black today. This is to say goodbye to everything I once was.
I am saying goodbye to being referred to as a recovered anorexic because that isn't who I am anymore.
I am saying goodbye to being associated with my home town by deleting facebook today. I hate how they all know everything about me and its all a competition and my ex liking everything on my profile!
I am saying goodbye to comparing myself to the girls in my town and the girls my ex has been with since me. I am my own person and I quite like being me :)
I am saying goodbye completely to my ex. I am sick of his silly games and the way I feel sad whenever he is in my life. I know I can do it this time. I am no longer in love with him and I have amazing close friends who will help me through it.
Instead I am focusing on my 3 closest friends and my future. More girlie times and more nights in dedicated to becoming a magazine journalist.
I feel a lot happier :)
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
It was all a hoax....
Yesterday the guy off twitter announced that his promotion of managed anorexia was all a hoax - a 'scientific experimentation' as he called it to see if he could become famous overnight; a bet with his friend. I think it being a hoax is even worse. That he knew what he was doing was wrong and he still went ahead with his twisted plans.
What has angered me more is the media's and twitter's reaction to him. If he had chosen a topic like racism or suicide, there would have been public outrage and he would have surely been taken off Twitter immediately. Instead he chose anorexia - something that the vast majority has never comprehended at the best of times. Therefore he was allowed to stay on twitter as apparently he wasn't doing that much harm. Thankfully sufferers like me and positive body image advocates took a stand against him: creating a petition as well as tweeting #itswhatsinsidethatcounts. Celebs showed their disgust at him too, which I greatly appreciated - Rhianna, Rochelle Saturdays, Gordon Ramsay... Simon Cowell even urged people to tweet #notosizezero
The guy believes that by donating money to Beat he can redeem his terrible actions but how can he? He has already affected people, myself included. And that is something no apology or donation can ever fix. I also feel like he has ruined all the amazing work Beat has done over the past 21 years; work the ambassadors have done and the last 5 years of work I have done as an ambassador myself on campaigning for the awareness of eating disorders.
Eating disorders are like a taboo subject - no body want to talk about them. Why i have no idea. You could say it is because they are a mental health illness but a lot of people think eating disorders are extreme diets or all about appearances. Whatever the reason it needs to stop. I am not ashamed of my anorexia - most of my friends know I have been anorexic and are very supportive of me. So if I don't care that I used to be anorexic, why should anyone else be bothered?
I am already writing a book as is an amazing friend of mine of our ordeals and battle between anorexia and us - I hope that more people will understand because of our stories. I also hope he may have an ounce of decency left and read them so he can understand how awful an eating disorder is to live with.
I know people have written that surely everyone could see he was a hoax but the reality is eating disorder sufferers are vulnerable people and when he was attacking girls' rolemodels like Holly Willoughby for being "fat", girls and boys could start worrying about their appearance. The same with his backlash against Rochelle Wiseman saying if she wasn't thin she wouldn't be in The Saturdays. What kind of message is that sending? You dont have to be a size zero to be successful; in fact the irony is when you are a unnatural size zero you cannot do anything at all.
I thought anorexia would make me happy and perfect. It didn't. Perfection doesnt exist for a start. I was never good enough for anorexia; I wasn't thin enough; I didnt die.
When I was anorexic I had no interest in anything; all I wanted was to disappear and not have to suffer anymore. Yet when I came close to death I realised I didnt want to die. There was so much I wanted to achieve with my life. But first I had to battle this illness that wanted me dead. When I was stopped in my tracks by the unit, I had no life. I had no energy; my body was shutting down. I couldn't go out with my friends; I couldnt go to college or work; I couldn't drive, walk or anything. I wasn't interested in boys like my friends were; I hadn't laughed in months. I lost friends because they were living their lives whilst I was under my mam's 24 hour care. All I was, was an empty shell; a walking skeleton.
Anorexia took a lot from me but the best day was when i realised she didnt control me anymore; that I had the right to be happy and to learn how to love the person I am.
I would never wish anorexia on anyone not even my worst enemy and I sincerely hope he never has to experience anyone close to him, to be taken over by an eating disorder, as he will truly regret making a joke out of a very serious mental health illness.
What has angered me more is the media's and twitter's reaction to him. If he had chosen a topic like racism or suicide, there would have been public outrage and he would have surely been taken off Twitter immediately. Instead he chose anorexia - something that the vast majority has never comprehended at the best of times. Therefore he was allowed to stay on twitter as apparently he wasn't doing that much harm. Thankfully sufferers like me and positive body image advocates took a stand against him: creating a petition as well as tweeting #itswhatsinsidethatcounts. Celebs showed their disgust at him too, which I greatly appreciated - Rhianna, Rochelle Saturdays, Gordon Ramsay... Simon Cowell even urged people to tweet #notosizezero
The guy believes that by donating money to Beat he can redeem his terrible actions but how can he? He has already affected people, myself included. And that is something no apology or donation can ever fix. I also feel like he has ruined all the amazing work Beat has done over the past 21 years; work the ambassadors have done and the last 5 years of work I have done as an ambassador myself on campaigning for the awareness of eating disorders.
Eating disorders are like a taboo subject - no body want to talk about them. Why i have no idea. You could say it is because they are a mental health illness but a lot of people think eating disorders are extreme diets or all about appearances. Whatever the reason it needs to stop. I am not ashamed of my anorexia - most of my friends know I have been anorexic and are very supportive of me. So if I don't care that I used to be anorexic, why should anyone else be bothered?
I am already writing a book as is an amazing friend of mine of our ordeals and battle between anorexia and us - I hope that more people will understand because of our stories. I also hope he may have an ounce of decency left and read them so he can understand how awful an eating disorder is to live with.
I know people have written that surely everyone could see he was a hoax but the reality is eating disorder sufferers are vulnerable people and when he was attacking girls' rolemodels like Holly Willoughby for being "fat", girls and boys could start worrying about their appearance. The same with his backlash against Rochelle Wiseman saying if she wasn't thin she wouldn't be in The Saturdays. What kind of message is that sending? You dont have to be a size zero to be successful; in fact the irony is when you are a unnatural size zero you cannot do anything at all.
I thought anorexia would make me happy and perfect. It didn't. Perfection doesnt exist for a start. I was never good enough for anorexia; I wasn't thin enough; I didnt die.
When I was anorexic I had no interest in anything; all I wanted was to disappear and not have to suffer anymore. Yet when I came close to death I realised I didnt want to die. There was so much I wanted to achieve with my life. But first I had to battle this illness that wanted me dead. When I was stopped in my tracks by the unit, I had no life. I had no energy; my body was shutting down. I couldn't go out with my friends; I couldnt go to college or work; I couldn't drive, walk or anything. I wasn't interested in boys like my friends were; I hadn't laughed in months. I lost friends because they were living their lives whilst I was under my mam's 24 hour care. All I was, was an empty shell; a walking skeleton.
Anorexia took a lot from me but the best day was when i realised she didnt control me anymore; that I had the right to be happy and to learn how to love the person I am.
I would never wish anorexia on anyone not even my worst enemy and I sincerely hope he never has to experience anyone close to him, to be taken over by an eating disorder, as he will truly regret making a joke out of a very serious mental health illness.
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