I always knew returning home would be hard but I didnt realise it would bring loads of emotions back.
I did so well in Australia with becoming more confident and learning to like who I am. Yet my home town is threatening to spoil all my good work:
*I feel like a bad person because Ive made some terrible mistakes in the past
*I have urges to self harm but Im desperately trying to distract myself
*I saw my ex for the first time last week and it surprised me how much it hurt
*I'm lonely and wish I could find a guy who liked me
I am trying to keep up the positive insights I learned in Australia. I have ignoring my friends petty arguments. I have deleted my ex off Facebook again as he keeps trying to talk to me and I dont know what his game is. I have a full time job and I am determined to make my life amazing :). I am doing what I want to do and not answer to others.
I know I need distractions as when I came back from living in France I self harmed to the extreme that I had to go to hospital.
I have spent far too many years needing a guys attention; kissing and later sleeping with guys to feel wanted. I think its time to take time out for myself
i can understand exactly where you are coming from with the sleeping with guys to feel wanted, and also with the coming "back to reality" type feelings.
ReplyDeletepeople say you can't run away from your problems. but...if things were going well for you in australia...why not? yes ok they weren't perfect, living there all the time won't be the same as your working holiday type thing...but is it worth a shot?
xxx