Body Gossip monologue

Sorry I have been quiet lately...dealing with a few things, including the fact that a lot of people at work have found out about my eating disorder after someone at work emailed out an article about me. :( It had been so nice to be in a place where no one knew about it. I guess anorexia is always going to appear in my life one way or another.

Anyway I wanted to share the monologue I wrote for Body Gossip and My Personal Best. There was an event held on saturday which was a success. Mine wasn't performed but I thought I would share it with you all:

Rachel’s monologue
You thought you could beat me,
You couldn’t have been more wrong,
Because you picked the wrong girl to mess with.
You won for a while,
After convincing me that everyone hated me,
And only you were my best friend.
You forced me to diet, vomit and exercise.
You turned me into a selfish, lying monster,
But then I realised you were wrong.
I was loved and I was worthwhile,
I deserved to be alive.
My battle with you was hard,
Yet in the end it was me who won.
So goodbye anorexia, I do not need or want you.
I am happy to just be me, Rachel.

Alternative Realities

I read a great trilogy the other week, the first book being A Crack In The Line, about different realities - how every time you make a decision, in an alternative reality another version of you is taking the other option of the decision. It made me think about different realities of myself - if anorexia had or had not darkened my door.

1. Rachel that didnt have anorexia; did a Triple Qualification at University spending a year in France and a year in Germany and now maybe works for the UN.

2. Rachel who was anorexic; then took a year off when she was told she would fail her A-Levels. She did a degree in journalism. Lives in London, a journalist.

3. Rachel who was anorexic; went to university etc but this Rachel actually did go to Germany instead of going to hospital for a serious case of self harm.

4. Rachel who went to Australia last year with her friend and wouldn't have had her heart broken many more times by her ex.

5. And sadly the Rachel who did die from anorexia.

I think I am quite glad to be in my reality with my BA Hons in French and German and my MA in magazine journalism :) Plus I am alive; I beat anorexia!