Recovery Is Possible

I am a firm believer that recovery is possible for all sufferers of an eating disorder. However I am also strongly against inpatient treatment unless it is the only option or there are too many health implications. Instead I think that true recovery comes from being in real life.

Happily, I am now classed as recovered but I still want to help others. To give people a place to help each others, share recovery tips as well as my own.

My recovery

I’ll admit, when I first got taken to the unit, I didn’t want to recover. In fact, I hardly put any weight on during the first 18 months and it got to the point that I was nearly discharged from the unit because they couldn’t help me anymore. Something clicked in me then and I knew that I wanted something more than what anorexia was giving me.

Putting myself back into the real world is what helped for me. For starters it helped that from day one I was an outpatient with my mother as my main carer. I was among my own things; people could visit me as and when they liked and I did not have to be tube fed (although I did suffer the ‘delights’ of Ensure supplement drinks!’). I didn’t have to readjust to living at home after being in hospital. Plus my mother did what she thought was best for me – this included starting off with smaller portions and going against what the unit wanted of keeping me prisoner in my bedroom. Instead she allowed me to go out a few times a week as long as I got a lift there and back.

My motivation to get into university encouraged me to eat yet I still wasn’t prepared to give up anorexia. I decided to recover when I realised I couldn’t achieve my dreams at the weight I was nor could I be like others my own age. So I began to work hard at my recovery. I ate meals with close friends; I ate meals on my own; I did various therapy exercises; I had a part time job and I passed my driving test. I pushed myself to make new friends and involve myself in a social life. I accepted invitations I would have normally said no to; I even went to New Zealand on my own after an invite to stay with a friend! I learnt to accept emotions and even allowed myself to fall in love.

Although I often still have to do self-esteem exercises and I am no good at relationships, I have managed to stop anorexia darkening my door again. This is from realising that I can’t have my life with anorexia. I can’t go out partying; I can’t do my masters; I can’t have two part time jobs; I can’t wear pretty clothes and I can’t drive my car. With anorexia, I am dependent, my parents don’t trust me and younger family members are scared to talk to me. With anorexia, I don’t have a future: with recovery, I do. I know which one I would choose, do you?